Jasmine Mortazavi, HiLi 2019 – 2020

Before starting the HiLi program, I was feeling somewhat anxious as I had never written a thesis. I wasn’t sure if I had a topic I was passionate enough about to devote a year’s worth of research to. The day before orientation, at one student’s suggestion, most of us met at a bar to get to know each other, and after talking to the other students, I realized that quite a few of us were in the same boat. I instantly abandoned the fear that I wouldn’t belong. Over the course of the following few days,  it became clear that I did in fact have a thesis topic in mind, but that I did not feel like it was legitimate. Hesitant as I was, I mentioned the idea at orientation anyway, and many thanks to Christine Valero’s encouragement, I came to see over time that it was not only legitimate but also the only subject I would ever want to do long-term research on.

Since my topic was a rather personal one, doing schoolwork became more difficult for me than it had ever been before because it was both mentally and emotionally draining. But this made it all the more satisfying. This was something I especially struggled with during the lockdown because I felt that my thesis topic and I were constantly alone in my apartment together. It is no secret that HiLi is an intense program. But being a student is never solely about academics. Prior to COVID -  in between back-to-back classes and papers - we had outings together, we spent time laughing (and crying) in the HiLi room together, we would plan activities on the weekends together. All of a sudden, we were left with only classes and papers. Though having classes online is particularly annoying and tiring, I at no point felt that the quality of our education had suffered, or that I wasn’t able to do as good of a job on my thesis as I would have wanted to because of the lockdown. However, I felt that the five and a half months of the program that remained when we first went into lockdown was time that had been taken away from us - that we could never get back. Exchanges made outside of class are just as valuable as ones made inside of class.

I’m currently still living in Paris while I complete my M2 at EHESS. Apart from studying and researching, and despite the current lockdown and curfew, I have been taking advantage of all there is to see outdoors in Paris and its surroundings. I have also made more French friends, which has helped me improve my speaking skills.